The Humpty Dumpty Dictionary of Technical Terms
Written by the Staff of HDWP
Our Motto: Alphabetical order not included
| Ethernet | The net for people who don't have a specific preference. |
| Bandwidth | The size an opening has to be before a band can march through it. High Bandwidth is needed if the band has tubas. |
| TELNET | What you do when the net asks a question. Under President Clinton, there was a policy of Don't Asknet, don't Telnet. |
| BUS | A public mass transportation vehicle. If it moves slower that the speed limit, the driver runs the risk of experiencing a RAM BUS error caused by impatient drivers. |
| Cable Modem | A sweater for your dial up connection. |
| DSL | Federation station Deep Space L. |
| CD Drive | What a bank has to boost sales of time deposit accounts. |
| Linux | An operating system, superior to Windows in all but sales and marketing. See also: Mac, Amiga, Native Pick, AIX, HP-UX, DG-UX... |
| Hard Drive | New York to California on espresso and no sleep. If no espresso is available, it is called a Really Hard Drive. |
| Enterprise Server | Guinan |
| Scalable Architecture | Rock Climbing Wall |
| Ack/Nack | Very good at "Ack" |
| ASCII | Plural form of ASC (see Radii). |
| Hexadecimal | Spell cast on a single digit. |
| Binary | To browse, from the Old English, "Buy Nary" |
| Mousepad | Device used to attract mice. |
| Amiga | An operating system, superior to Windows in all but sales and marketing. See also: Linux, Mac, Native Pick, AIX, HP-UX, DG-UX... |
| Three Tier Architecture | Standard technology for Wedding cakes. |
| Modem | Increase, add to an existing amount: "I want Modem donuts." |
| Inkjet | An early, unsuccessful, skywriting plane. |
| Keyboard | A place to hang your keys so you don't lose them. |
| Motherboard | Like the keyboard (see KEYBOARD), but for your mother. |
| RAM | A mountain animal with big horns. |
| O/S2 | Spanish (variant of O, es tu?) It means: "You, too, huh?" |
| P/S2 | A public school in New York City |
| Zip Disk | New York slang for "No Disk" or "Dead Disk" (see also Fuggedaboudisk) |
| Mac | An operating system, superior to Windows in all but sales and marketing. See also: Linux, Amiga, Native Pick, AIX, HP-UX, DG-UX... |
| Database | Charity event for Baseball fanatics. Dating people is generally seen as preferable. |
| Touchpad | Device used to keep mice away. |
| Firewire | A bad telegram to get from your boss. |
| Floppy Disk | Spinal condition caused by hunching over a computer keyboard. |
| Monitor | The ship that fought the Merrimac. |
| Serial Port | A dance move: The act of moving to the left, one person at a time. Serial Starboard, the act of moving right, one person at a time, is considered archaic and is rarely used. |
| Parallel Port | A dance move: The act of performing the Serial Port next to, and in time with, another group of people performing the Serial Port. |
| Patch Panel | For people who can't afford a new panel. |
| USB | A failed baseball league, considered at one time to be a challenger to the MLB. It went the way of the USFL and XFL. |
| DOS | Device used to keep mice away. |
Note: No Dictionaries were harmed - or consulted - to produce this document.
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